11 Jun Late to the Party
So, I’m sitting at my desk writing my book. I now know more about Hashimoto’s than I ever have before, and I’m about 20 years late to the ‘party’… I mean diagnosis.
It would be easy to have a pity party, but that really doesn’t help. It’s doesn’t help me be a better husband, and it doesn’t help me keep engaged with life and my family to have me wallow in ‘what I didn’t do back in the day’.
My wife is one tough cookie, and has kept moving through life with Hashimoto’s – with or without me being present, sensitive, attentive, or considerate to her and the reality she lives in – every day. That’s part of what I love so much about her; she has the vision to keep moving forward even when the troops don’t.
Yet sometimes, even she gets discouraged and down, and life in our house takes on a decidedly blue tone. Laundry piles up, meals become gluten free cereal or yogurt, and the cleaning takes a pause for a while. I usually pick up the slack while she takes time to be… human.
I am not bad guy. I work hard. I get in there and do my part for my wife and the kids.
And I’m also… human.
When it comes to health issues, in the past I have opted to leave that to my health conscious, organic food loving, fact researching, spiritually sensitive, uber compassionate, Dr. Mom person – a.k.a. my wife. And I know there are many other men out there who do the same thing. I don’t know exactly why, women just seem to be better in that department.
When the kiddos get hurt in our house, who do they make a beeline for? Oh, that would be mom.
Yeah, I’ll do in a pinch… if mom’s not around.
No band aids? No problem.
Hold this toilet paper where it’s bleeding, a little bit of duct tape – BOOM! You are good to go, my friend.
You can stop crying now.
Truth be told, it’s highly likely that men are not as clued into their emotions as much as women are.
Is that a sexist thing to say? I don’t know anymore. Not to be politically incorrect, it just seems obvious that there are differences between my wife and I.
Life just seems to have a Yin and Yang thing about these things; on one side is the guy – focused, practical, predictable, no nonsense, get ‘er done. On the other side is the girl – compassionate, sensible, open to new things, emotionally aware.
(Forgive the stereotype, there are always exceptions and variations) But in relationships we often find someone who complements our strengths with their strengths (oh, and weaknesses too).
Anyway, I may be late to the game, but I’m here now. It doesn’t help my ‘awesome husband’ game to be kicking myself for what I didn’t do – that would take away from me being present to the now.
Now, I’m more aware.
- I’m doing regular research – I made commitment to read a book about Hashimoto’s, or online Hashi articles – just 20 minutes a day. Easy.
- I’m being that proactive spouse asking my wife, ‘have you taken your supplements today?’ when she wants to avoid them (she’s got her own issues). As easy as a reminder on my phone.
- If she’s wiped out, I let her rest or nap, and then take the kids out, and we go out and do our man-venture. Fun is always easy.
- If she’s seeming stir crazy, I’ll send her out with her girlfriends, or have her go somewhere inspiring by herself for perspective. Happy wife, happy life – very easy investment.
- For all our sanity’s sake, I’ll have someone come in regularly and do a basic housecleaning. Optional: the kids and I do it. (Can’t always vouch for the quality. Whatever… it still makes a difference)
Then, she amends that, and says, ‘they’re not bad at all. They’re great. It’s just that my brain can’t *#@*!# handle so much at once.’
That’s my cue people. Gotta get into Captain Awesome mode.
Just remember, you can be that for your woman too.
Maybe you haven’t been consistent either, or got clued in later – like me.
Your time is now – let your actions speak for you. Don’t try to backfill all the guilt of what you didn’t do in the past. Just take this moment, and do what you need to do.
I think you know what that next step is.
Keep doing that, and being that, and she’ll take notice.
(Bonus tip – if you don’t know the next step, ask her. I’m sure she can put a list together.)
Ciao for now, Rock
(a.k.a. Captain Awesome)
If you need an an amazing book for your woman with Hashimoto’s, pick up my wife’s award winning book, “You’re Not Crazy And You’re Not Alone: Losing the Victim, Finding Your Sense of Humor, and Learning to Love Yourself Through Hashimoto’s“