Late to the Party - Married to Hashimotos
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Late to the Party

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11 Jun Late to the Party

So, I’m sitting at my desk writing my book.  I now know more about Hashimoto’s than I ever have before, and I’m about 20 years late to the ‘party’… I mean diagnosis.

It would be easy to have a pity party, but that really doesn’t help.  It’s doesn’t help me be a better husband, and it doesn’t help me keep engaged with life and my family to have me wallow in ‘what I didn’t do back in the day’.

My wife is one tough cookie, and has kept moving through life with Hashimoto’s – with or without me being present, sensitive, attentive, or considerate to her and the reality she lives in – every day.  That’s part of what I love so much about her; she has the vision to keep moving forward even when the troops don’t.

Yet sometimes, even she gets discouraged and down, and life in our house takes on a decidedly blue tone.  Laundry piles up, meals become gluten free cereal or yogurt, and the cleaning takes a pause for a while.  I usually pick up the slack while she takes time to be… human.

I am not bad guy.  I work hard.  I get in there and do my part for my wife and the kids.

And I’m also… human.

When it comes to health issues, in the past I have opted to leave that to my health conscious, organic food loving, fact researching, spiritually sensitive, uber compassionate, Dr. Mom person – a.k.a. my wife.  And I know there are many other men out there who do the same thing.  I don’t know exactly why, women just seem to be better in that department.

duct tape - no problemWhen the kiddos get hurt in our house, who do they make a beeline for?  Oh, that would be mom.

Yeah, I’ll do in a pinch… if mom’s not around.

No band aids?  No problem.

Hold this toilet paper where it’s bleeding, a little bit of duct tape – BOOM!  You are good to go, my friend.

You can stop crying now.

Truth be told, it’s highly likely that men are not as clued into their emotions as much as women are.

Is that a sexist thing to say?  I don’t know anymore.  Not to be politically incorrect, it just seems obvious that there are differences between my wife and I.

Yin Yang coupleLife just seems to have a Yin and Yang thing about these things; on one side is the guy – focused, practical, predictable, no nonsense, get ‘er done.  On the other side is the girl – compassionate, sensible, open to new things, emotionally aware.

(Forgive the stereotype, there are always exceptions and variations)  But in relationships we often find someone who complements our strengths with their strengths (oh, and weaknesses too).

Anyway, I may be late to the game, but I’m here now.  It doesn’t help my ‘awesome husband’ game to be kicking myself for what I didn’t do – that would take away from me being present to the now.

Now, I’m more aware.

  • I’m doing regular research – I made commitment to read a book about Hashimoto’s, or online Hashi articles – just 20 minutes a day.  Easy.

 

  • I’m being that proactive spouse asking my wife, ‘have you taken your supplements today?’ when she wants to avoid them (she’s got her own issues).  As easy as a reminder on my phone.

 

  • If she’s wiped out, I let her rest or nap, and then take the kids out, and we go out and do our man-venture. Fun is always easy.

 

  • If she’s seeming stir crazy, I’ll send her out with her girlfriends, or have her go somewhere inspiring by herself for perspective.  Happy wife, happy life – very easy investment.

 

  • For all our sanity’s sake, I’ll have someone come in regularly and do a basic housecleaning. Optional: the kids and I do it.  (Can’t always vouch for the quality.  Whatever… it still makes a difference)

 

text - keeping it realSo, as if on cue, my wife is now texting me that the kids are driving her crazy!

Then, she amends that, and says, ‘they’re not bad at all.  They’re great.  It’s just that my brain can’t *#@*!# handle so much at once.

That’s my cue people.  Gotta get into Captain Awesome mode.

Just remember, you can be that for your woman too.

Maybe you haven’t been consistent either, or got clued in later – like me.

Your time is now – let your actions speak for you.  Don’t try to backfill all the guilt of what you didn’t do in the past.  Just take this moment, and do what you need to do.

I think you know what that next step is.

Keep doing that, and being that, and she’ll take notice.

(Bonus tip – if you don’t know the next step, ask her.  I’m sure she can put a list together.)

Ciao for now,  Rock

Rock signature

(a.k.a. Captain Awesome)

 


 

If you liked this article, you’re gonna love my book, the “Guys’ Guide to Hashimoto’s“, get the ebook version here.

If you need an an amazing book for your woman with Hashimoto’s, pick up my wife’s award winning book, “You’re Not Crazy And You’re Not Alone: Losing the Victim, Finding Your Sense of Humor, and Learning to Love Yourself Through Hashimoto’s

10 Comments
  • Michelle Nemeth
    Posted at 18:53h, 11 June Reply

    Thanks Rock! Great article.

    • Rock Robbins
      Posted at 23:08h, 11 June Reply

      Thank you Michelle. I love sharing about my crazy and unconventional life with my crazy and unconventional wife. 😉

  • Donna Bailey
    Posted at 19:33h, 11 June Reply

    I am sending links to my husband of almost 29 years. It gets overwhelming to try and explain things.. especially when I don’t always know the “Why” myself.. just that my “brain, body, and/or emotions” are reacting to “Something”.

    • Rock Robbins
      Posted at 23:11h, 11 June Reply

      Oh my Donna – I truly understand. Your husband is not alone. This Hashimoto’s diagnosis is one of the more complicated nuts to crack. Keep working on it together.

  • Robyn Swanson (Hubbard)
    Posted at 19:37h, 11 June Reply

    I love this. And I think it is very important. Care giving comes around in many forms. I have been one since 2007. I completely dropped the ball for a year prior. I kicked myself too. Now I call it teamwork and family and marriage. I know it has made me a better person – completely against my will!!!! Thank you for sharing your story.

    • Rock Robbins
      Posted at 23:13h, 11 June Reply

      Robyn – I get it. I’m one of those who apparently had to learn the hard way. Well, it doesn’t have to be as hard. Just making understanding this an item on my daily to do list (even just 10-20 minutes) makes such a difference. Love that you guys are working as a team. Rock

  • Golnaz Fatemi
    Posted at 22:50h, 11 June Reply

    Thank you Rock Robbins for your hard work and sharing your wisdom. Hope this will give a new perspective to those men who truly loved their wives one day. Hashimoto’s is not a joke. It’s an invisible everyday battle. We might look ok on the outside, we might not say a word ever as we want to look our best. But our husbands have no idea of the bitter truth we are going through every day. I believe what you are doing will save many families. Thank you again.

    • Rock Robbins
      Posted at 23:17h, 11 June Reply

      Thank you Golnaz. I’m honored by your words. If families are saved, strengthened – that will bless the family, the kids, mom and dad, the extended family, the neighbors, and on and on.

      We can make that difference, starting with our own home.

      Keep it up. And, thank you again.

      Rock

  • Ron Harris
    Posted at 01:38h, 12 June Reply

    I thank you for your words of encouragement to the men who are willing to do what it takes , even if we don’t know exactly what that is.
    I look forward to your book .

    • Rock Robbins
      Posted at 09:21h, 13 June Reply

      Thank you Ron. It’s a very worthwhile investment – my Stacey is an amazing woman. Proud to help her and partner with her.

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